READERS OF DRUNK WEEABOO IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG! Really. It's been far too long. I've watched several series, and drank several undocumented boozes since May. Today I come to post about a whiskey, and a rum, which you should taste some time before you die.

First I'll say something about Kraken. Eons ago someone on the advice board suggested Kraken black spiced rum when I asked what I should try. They mentioned it was a reasonable price, and pretty smooth. I'm not a huge fan of rum, but when something has a label this awesome, and an endorsement by a member of a community I like who doesn't sound like he's bullshitting.

After a couple endorsements by people who regularly dominate me in TF2 I decided I would pick it up if I ever saw it, regardless of cost. NO SOONER HAD I DECIDED THIS than I went to the good asian liquor store in town. I meant to pick up 12 Strongbows, but there I saw it. On the shelf, regular price of $35 on for $32 was a bottle of Kraken rum. The very same day I promised myself I would try it I got an opportunity to buy it. Apparently the store had just gotten them in. They didn't even know how good it was at the time. I got home, and tried a shot of kraken. I don't like rum, but it was pretty good tasting, and remarkably smooth. Not to mention it's 47%. Kraken is a good fuckin' liquor. Recently when I went back to that store the owner and I got into a conversation about it. I couldn't understand if he was talking about a pilot, or a pirate, but a customer he had that loved rum and almost always went Bacardi something or other switched to Kraken after having it once. It is a good rum.

Now on to Gentleman Jack. I was buying booze at that very same liquor store for a date when, after picking up Kraken, I was looking for a whiskey. Sooner, rather than later I found a bottle wearing a tie. I'm not kidding. immediately deciding it was awesome I then noticed it was whiskey, exactly what I was looking for. It was Gentleman Jack, a whiskey produced by the same bastards as Jack Daniels. JD is good in that it tastes like wood. The JD barrels have a nice flavour, but nothing I love. Gentleman Jack is twice mellowed, meaning it's twice filtered through charcoal. How an extra run over charcoal made JD turn into this whiskey of the gods I have no idea, but it would make Hank Hill weep. It's enough to make you switch from a propane grill to a charcoal grill. It's damn good. I can't complain about the tie either.

Considering I now had the tie, and I had a bottle of Kraken, I had to try it. Here is the result.

The LCBO, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario, that marvelous store always only a 10 minute walk away and always had your favorite wines, spirits, or liquors is something I often think of when buying liquor here in ALberta. Sometimes I do miss it. The prices were reasonable. There was no bullshit about it. It was a fine goverment run store. Having moved out to Alberta I won't see an LCBO or a Beer Store for a long time. Alberta instead has a private industry.

In the town of Okotoks There's quite a few liquor stores. Ralph's Liquor is the newest, but it used to be Hi-ho Liquor, run by an old asian couple. It was nice. The people that run it now just aren't the same. The place accross the stret from Ralph's is run by some other asian couple. It has a decent selection and the best prices in town. I preffer to go there. There's a few other ones I never go to, and there's the one at Sobeys which is the closest one to me. I hate the one at Sobeys. $25 for a bottle of Fireball? That's a goddamn ripoff. Anywhere else Fireball is $18 for a 26oz.

The one thing about Alberta Liquor stores that bogles my mind to this day is the concept of sales. Sales on products in a retail environment is no big deal, but when coming from only ever going to the LCBO where everything is always one reasonable price seeing sales on liquor is a big deal. Last night I picked up a bottle of Alberta Premium Whiskey for $20, where it was regular $26. That's cool. It's unremarkable whiskey, but for paying less than I would for anything else it's not bad. Fry up some latkes and hand me a yarmulke, I'm a cheap jew like that.

The flip side of this being, different stores are different priced. If I want a decent price on something not on sale I have to walk across town stopping by every liquor store on the way to get the better price, OR JUST SOMETHING THAT IS REASONABLE.

It seems the only place with reasonable prices is that store run by that asian couple I spoke of. Every time the woman is working she always compliments me. It makes me think of a few year back in college when I dressed up as a pirate for halloween and old asian ladies kept stopping me for pictures. It's always the old asian ladies. I don't understand it. All I understand is I need to grow back my hair, and never cut it again. The old asian ladies will be all over me. AS I WAS SAYING That store is probably the only good one in town now.

I love orange creamsicles. Everyone does. Even thos faggots who hate awesome things to try to be trendy love orange creamsicles. Although you can't get drunk off creamsicles. If you could they would be god on a stick.

Now a ghetto creamsicle fixes that, kinda. It's no divine being as it's not on a stick, but it's a drink that tastes exactly like an orange creamsicle. THAT'S RIGHT. GET DRUNK OFF OF ORANGE CREAMSICLES! FINALLY.

It's a pretty simple drink to make. You need three things.

• Vanilla Vodka
• Orange Pop

Isn't that simple? Further more, you can substitute vanilla vodka with vanilla, and vodka. Some people also make it with orange kool-aid to make it less carbonated and more sugary.

Because it is so sugary expect a hang over if it's all you drink in a night.

On the old blog I mentioned the Gay Russian, a White Russian made with Strawberry mudshake instead of milk. Strawberry milk would probably work better for the gay russian.THIS IS NOT ABOUT THAT THOUGH. THIS IS ABOUT SMIRNOFF POMEGRANATE MARTINI.

Smirnoff Pomegranate Martini is obviously made with Vodka, and not gin, therefore it's not a real martini. GAY STRIKE No. 1 GAINST IT!

FURTHER MORE it's only 15%. GAY STRIKE No. 2.

But then, you realise it's cheap, it's delicious, and a 26 will get you to a good state of being and it turns into a wonderful drink.

Pomegranates are a lot of work in fruit form. In smirnoff form they get you well buzzed on a decent price. It's best when used in a martini shaker though.

SO LIKE

I'm talking to a bro about sambuca, which is black liquorice flavored alcohol, and he is all like, I don't like black liquorice. That's as crazy as saying Kimi ni Todoke isn't charming.

It's an anime about some creepy girl (not unlike black sambuca) who is disregarded or even ridiculed by her classmates.

Kimi ni Todoke is as adorable as Sambuca is awesome. ANTHONY, THAT MEANS YOU MUST WATCH IT. watch it with laura. She'll like it too.

That said

ANTHONY, take noke of this article for a reasonably more nerdy girlfiend/fiance.

The worst thing I've ever drank was a Lakeport beer. Under normal circumstances Lakeport is tolerable. This was not a normal circumstance. It was warm.

ANYONE who has drank warm beer before knows it's not the best. As Strongbad once said, "A one that is not cold is scarcely a one at all." Condisering this not-so-cold beer was not cold at all we can conclude it would taste bad. However that's not the end of my woes. Lakeport, for those unaware, is budget beer.

Lakeport is that kind of beer you drink out in the alley wearing working clothes with some freinds of your's, all agreeing with single syllable terms, however not really talking about anything. Cheap beer, made to taste shitty, but you can always get it.

SO it was warm, cheap beer? That doesn't sound so bad. Maybe I was just being a fag? I don't think so.

I picked up the bottle. It had a slimey feel. The bottle itself warned me of it's vile contents but I continued on heedlessly. The cap twisted off easily enough, that was the only normal thing about the experience.

Raising the bottle to my lips a terrible shiver was sent down my spine. I was having second thoughts, but once again, I disregarded them and took the first sip. My memory of that beer is hazy but I think I died.

Regardless of whether I died or not, I finished that beer like a man, and ended that night there.

After chatting with Anthony about how Baiju tastes like diesel fuel I had to think of some kind of way to make it look like it too. That is, make it blacker.

ENTER BLACK SAMBUCA.

The proposed drink is a mix of Baiju and black sambucca. The idea is for it to look like, and taste a little like diesel, with out going into my truck's gas tank. I want it to be somewhat pleasant.

Getting proportion right, and maybe experimenting with other additives should be done. I sense something wonderful being born of this.

Thinking over it the other night I have noticed a lot of people give me alcohol. I have no idea why. All I can do it try to list them.

Shifty Matt, back at the after school party at Stars of the Game bought several pitchers of beer, and shots of sambuca. Later that night Terry Dame, a professor I never had, bought me a bunch of drinks too. I was pretty wasted.

After that I recall by sister giving me a bottle of Jack Daniels for fixing her computer. I guess that was more of a trade than a give away. Does that count?

In the past week my army friend, Shawn, bought me a tonne of drinks. Once I get a job I guess I have to buy him drinks too.

While at the bars with Shawn we got into a conversation with a bartender about beer. He gave us each a glass of Ambrois to try. I don't even know what to say about it. It was good.

A friend of Anthony's went to china and brought him back some baiju. That is, white liquor.

While taking photos with which to procure BUSINESS CARDS MADE OF BEEF JERKY! FUCK YEAH! (My next job interview will go much better.) he brought over the baiju so we could drink some together.

We both poured experimental shots (not a full shot, just for tasting purposes.) We expected tastes similar to diesel fuel, as the internet had informed us. Baiju delivered.

Baiju tastes like diesel.

It's also 45%. I guess that explains it.

Can't wait until we get Matt to drink baiju.

Anyone who knows me should know this drink by now. SHAME ON YOU if you don't.

This drink is the best drink ever. It has cheap, and delicious ingredients. It will get to plastered. Most of all, it's name is inspired by The Medic.

So how do you make a Medical Break Through? Simple really.

1. Get a glass

2. Fill it half with Dr. McGuillicuddy's Fireball

3. Fill the rest with Dr. Pepper

4. ??????????????

5. PROFIT!

It is very important that the drink is at least half Fireball. Anyless than half Fireball and it's only a Second Opinion. That is lame.

IN THE EVENT YOU FIND AN AQUAFINA BOTTLE FULL OF LIQUOR IN YOU FRIDGE: I suggest you do not drink it.

TODAY I GOT AN EMAIL SAYING (THIS IS NOT VERBATIM) "I THINK YOUR DEVELOPMENT SKILLS ARE BADASS. FUCK YOU." Keep in mind this was for a web design job. I AM A WEB DEVELOPER.

FUCK.

WELL TIME TO SEARCH FOR A REAL JOB.

Hey Matt, what's up with that Tecumseh thing?